Peter follows Jesus from a distance and sits outside in the courtyard. Twice bystanders say that he was with Jesus. Twice Peter denies it. A third time they say it and Peter begins to curse, swears an oath and denies knowing Jesus. A cock crows, Peter remembers Jesus' word to him and he goes away weeping bitterly.
Most of the other disciples fled yet Peter followed Jesus from a distance.
There are Christians who, when faced with any hardship or trial concerning the
faith, run from it or set it aside like a distasteful idea. Others there
are who, when directly pressed by others about their faith, will deny it to save
their reputation. Out of curiosity they will not leave the church,
however. They watch from a distance. Perhaps these Christians think
that since they are at least following from a distance they should be granted a
degree of latitude when it comes to how much they are ready to openly embrace
their faith in public. "It's not so bad that I deny Jesus just a little
before others since I am remaining faithful overall. At least I didn't run
away." But if the bitter pangs of our conscience kick in then we drive
ourselves away, thinking ourselves unworthy to be his followers.
Herein there lies a very subtle device of the adversary that should be exposed.
No man is without sin. That is why Jesus taught us to pray "forgive us our
sins." Yet sometimes even a devout soul will succumb to the belief that after
sinning they are no longer worthy to be near Christ. They forget that they
were never worthy to begin with. So they listen to a voice which says
"Leave. Go away. Perhaps your self-chastisement will count for something."
This is the real victory of the enemy: not only to entice a soul into sin but to
cause discouragement afterward. It is discouragement that keeps a person
from seeking Christ and his mercy again.
Persevere along the Way. Even if you have denied Christ keep following
him. Be like John, who knew only that he had to be near Love. "Where
else shall we go Lord?" Remember that although the apostles abandoned
Christ they also became saints and the pillars of the Church through the power
of the Holy Spirit who also wants to transform your life.